This week’s discussions spent a lot of time exploring the notion that
the female concept of sex and sexuality is one that is male-centric and
therefore none existent as it relates to the woman. During these discussions, I remember thinking that I simply
did not agree with the fact that a woman’s sexuality, and the resulting concept
of sex, revolved around the idea of a needing a man. An argument can be made
that women really do have a sense of sexuality that is more female-centric, and
that the male-centric argument discounts the fact that women have the
capability to construct their own sexuality and concept of sex independent of
the presence of the male. On first thought, there
seems to be much evidence that discounts the male-centric theory. Oh but wait a minute….is
there really?
After giving more
thought to the subject on my own time, I began to ask some similar questions
that were raised in class on my own. Questions like: Can a woman really
construct her sexuality without thinking that her partner needs to be male? Isn’t
the simple act of needing a penis, or a penis-shaped object, to bring sexual
pleasure clear evidence that the man himself, or that some object resembling
his contribution to the act of intercourse, is needed? How then does a woman
accomplish sexual pleasure without the aid of the penis? Not only did I have
trouble answering these questions on my own, but to top it all off I came
across this video on the Yahoo newsfeed…
And that video had a link to this one…
WTF!?!?! After
seeing these videos it became even more apparent to me that the case that I was
trying to make is one that is really difficult to make and make well. Both
videos suggest that there are only a few things that men find attractive and
sexy. There are only a handful of hairstyles and a handful of clothing options
open to women in order to be considered “sexy”. Is beauty not in the eyes of the beholder? Two things that I find problematic.
First, what does this say about women in general? I know plenty of women that
don’t have enough hair to put into a ponytail or the body to fit into, and look good in, the
styles of clothing made based on a woman that wears a size 2. So with me having a natural, teeny weeny afro, hair that would get me the side eye if I decided to pull the "bed head" look off, and clearly not fitting into
anything with the size of one digit….am I not attractive? Can you believe that
as I was watching both videos I was even thinking how can I get my hair in that hairstyle or
wear clothes like that? These standards are stereotypes pulled from a minority
group of women and imposed on women in general. This is so detrimental to the
healthy development of a woman’s sense of self and self-worth.
Second, this video was posted on Yahoo!’s website The Thread which is a fashion
and style website FOR WOMEN! Granted
it is okay to know what a man likes and dislikes, but to make it seem like the options are so few is not the helpful advice that women
need. Besides what one man may find attractive another may not. How about: “How to communicate to your man what YOU find attractive.” Where are the
interviews and videos on that? And even then it seems that we have to beg or
put too much effort forward to have a man go the extra mile for us as his
woman?
Needless to say,
my opinion now is completely different from the opinion I held initially. It seems
not matter what example you offer there is still some way in which a woman is
judged as it relates to a man and not that of herself. What do you think? Do
you agree or disagree? Can a woman truly and genuinely construct a healthy
concept of herself and her sexuality independent of the influence of the man?
Omalola, I was going to ask the same question about our afro's, I guess according to this guy, black women, and black hairstyles don't really exist? But anyways, your last question, "Can a woman construct a healthy self-concept independent of male influence?" The entire performance of femininity is structured on the male gaze. I think it would be very difficult to have a gendered self-concept without acknowledging the male gaze, just as it would be different to develop a male self-concept independent of the female gaze. All of this is perpetuated by our consumerist culture. One of the ads was sponsored by a shampoo. Consumerist culture is a culture of fear. In order to keep us spending, we all have to be insecure, afraid that we are inadequate in some way. What better way to scare women than tell them they're not pretty enough to attract a man's attention? What better way to scare a man than tell him his penis isn't large enough, he smells funny, or he isn't wearing enough axe? But I would say that I don't think any man or any woman can develop a healthy sense-of-self in this kind of culture.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Keyana said. I see it as this: although most people are usually confident in their looks and their own personal style, it is only after advertisements or media interference that they feel insecure, and pressured into looking a certain way in order to buy a certain product. I think I speak for most men when I say that we find many more things attractive than just the stereotypical female in advertisements, and it's not always looks that are the key, but rather how one carries herself and acts in accordance to their body.
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