I recently participated in a long conversation with a local artist about how his music and his videos serve to objectify women. He, of course, disagreed with me. But, at the same time, contended that men, including himself, like women in professional settings because they are pretty “things” to look at. He also suggested that my feminine appearance would allow me to get ahead. At this point, I decided that it would be fun, if also infuriating, to draw this discussion out further. By the end of our conversation he tried to make the argument that rape is not more common only because men do not want to be punished, because, as you know, it is illegal to rape people.
This really concerned me. In his view, all men are predisposed to want sex. This desire is so ingrained in them that they have the urge to become aggressive if only to have their desire achieved. Their desire is so strong that they disregard the autonomy and agency of the female (or male) through which this desire is to be fulfilled. Sex becomes something that is not a mutual pleasure to be shared between consenting partners, but something that is demanded by one and fulfilled by the other, the female (or male), the object. This desire is so strong and powerful that it does not matter if ‘she’ does not share the desire, it does not matter if ‘she’ says no, it does not even matter if the act hurts another human being. He cannot be stopped by ‘her’ because ‘she’ is just an ‘it’. In fact, the only thing that can stop him is a threat to his own, personal wellbeing. The idea that the pain of the punishment could potentially outweigh the pleasure of his desire is the only thing that can stop rape.
Whereas, I do not, by any means, believe that this is the view that all men have, I do think that it clearly does exist among some. This idea illuminates the dangers that can arise from women becoming merely objects. When people become objects they lose their meaning. They becoming something that cannot be perceived as having feeling, something that cannot be empathized with, something that simple does not matter because it does not exist for its own sake, it only exists for the sake of those who objectified it. Is it as dangerous as I think it is to have men wandering the streets thinking to themselves, “Well, I could force her to have sex with me. That could be fun. But then again, I might get arrested. That seems bad.” Does this mentality actually exist? How is it perpetuated by the schemas portrayed in pornography?
I'm so shocked that you had a conversation like this. I think I would have been too infuriated to talk to him but I'm glad you were able to stick it out and share it with us so that we are aware that there are men who think like this.
ReplyDeleteHe is a product of rape culture. America is a rape culture. There is no denying that fact. We have all come to accept that this is a part of life and that women need to be precautious about where they are, who they are with and what type of clothing they're wearing so they don't look suggestive. I would have loved to ask him how he would feel if a man took advantage of his mom or his sister or his daughter. He clearly only thinks in selfish terms because the only reason he doesn't rape women all the time is because he doesn't want to end up in jail, so I wonder if you made it personal in that way, someone would be able to get through to him.