To clear up any confusion, this postcard portrays a young women who has just failed to propose before midnight. Apparently, women were only allowed to pick their mates on a leap year (again, this is folklore). Considering that it is 29 February, a "leap day," I thought it would be interesting to bring up the topic of "women" proposing to "men" in order to consider the wider topic of marriage altogether. Earlier in the week, I responded to Matthew's post about Jay-Z and Beyonce. Rather than attempting to parse out whether or not this particular marriage undermines Beyonce's Feminist Mystique, I wanted to look more generally at marriage itself. Quick Caveat: Without giving too much information out, I should warn anyone reading this that I haven't exactly had the opportunity to observe many "great" marriages. I say this because I think my perspective may be a little bit skewed, however, numbers don't lie. At this moment, statisticians believe that, if you were to get married today, you have a fifty percent chance of getting divorced. Well, divorce can't be that bad, right? I mean, c'mon, everyone knows people that have been divorced that seem to be doing fine. Well, according to a Times article I read a few years back, as far as your health goes (physical & mental), you'd be better off becoming a widower than going through a divorce. It turns out, these damn things are quite traumatic. I am sure being in a marriage is worth the risk though. It is such a beautiful thing. There is the ceremony, the booze, the cake, the crab-cake. Oh shit, I could go on forever. Not to mention society says its cool to have kids no (out of necessity to fill the gaping not-holes in your life). And, I almost forgot, when the cops catch you in the back of the car screwing your spouse you can say, "its cool officer, we're married." Turns out, though, for women especially, marriage can be quite traumatic itself. Apparently there are four types of domestic violence: Pysical, Sexual, Emotional, Verbal, and Economic (until recently, there was no such thing as marital rape). Obviously, this violence does not occur only between married couples. Regardless, here come some numbers. On average, three women are one man are killed by their significant others every day in the United States (YIKES!). Three quarters of women who report rape or sexual assault say that it was either a current or previous sexual partner. Nearly three million children witness domestic violence every year (studies have shown that these children have a higher proclivity towards certain behavioral disorders). For a man or women in an abusive marriage, escaping these violent realities becomes much more difficult. All of this marriage stuff seems quite antiquated anyhow. Aside from the obvious legal advantages, what is so different after you get married. For many people (I recognize all of the religious objections to this, I use the word many very loosely) that are already living with their partners, it would seem marriage is mostly symbolic. I'm just interested in the origin of that significance. Are all those stories about Men and Women developing chronic lethargy after marriage true? If so, what is the appeal? It seems to me that this is just the socially acceptable form of "Human Trafficking." Okay, that may have been a bit harsh. I will conclude by asking generally how does everyone feel about the "female" proposing to the "male?" Also, how (if you do) do you perceive marriage as being the "next step" in a serious relationship?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tradition Travesties
To clear up any confusion, this postcard portrays a young women who has just failed to propose before midnight. Apparently, women were only allowed to pick their mates on a leap year (again, this is folklore). Considering that it is 29 February, a "leap day," I thought it would be interesting to bring up the topic of "women" proposing to "men" in order to consider the wider topic of marriage altogether. Earlier in the week, I responded to Matthew's post about Jay-Z and Beyonce. Rather than attempting to parse out whether or not this particular marriage undermines Beyonce's Feminist Mystique, I wanted to look more generally at marriage itself. Quick Caveat: Without giving too much information out, I should warn anyone reading this that I haven't exactly had the opportunity to observe many "great" marriages. I say this because I think my perspective may be a little bit skewed, however, numbers don't lie. At this moment, statisticians believe that, if you were to get married today, you have a fifty percent chance of getting divorced. Well, divorce can't be that bad, right? I mean, c'mon, everyone knows people that have been divorced that seem to be doing fine. Well, according to a Times article I read a few years back, as far as your health goes (physical & mental), you'd be better off becoming a widower than going through a divorce. It turns out, these damn things are quite traumatic. I am sure being in a marriage is worth the risk though. It is such a beautiful thing. There is the ceremony, the booze, the cake, the crab-cake. Oh shit, I could go on forever. Not to mention society says its cool to have kids no (out of necessity to fill the gaping not-holes in your life). And, I almost forgot, when the cops catch you in the back of the car screwing your spouse you can say, "its cool officer, we're married." Turns out, though, for women especially, marriage can be quite traumatic itself. Apparently there are four types of domestic violence: Pysical, Sexual, Emotional, Verbal, and Economic (until recently, there was no such thing as marital rape). Obviously, this violence does not occur only between married couples. Regardless, here come some numbers. On average, three women are one man are killed by their significant others every day in the United States (YIKES!). Three quarters of women who report rape or sexual assault say that it was either a current or previous sexual partner. Nearly three million children witness domestic violence every year (studies have shown that these children have a higher proclivity towards certain behavioral disorders). For a man or women in an abusive marriage, escaping these violent realities becomes much more difficult. All of this marriage stuff seems quite antiquated anyhow. Aside from the obvious legal advantages, what is so different after you get married. For many people (I recognize all of the religious objections to this, I use the word many very loosely) that are already living with their partners, it would seem marriage is mostly symbolic. I'm just interested in the origin of that significance. Are all those stories about Men and Women developing chronic lethargy after marriage true? If so, what is the appeal? It seems to me that this is just the socially acceptable form of "Human Trafficking." Okay, that may have been a bit harsh. I will conclude by asking generally how does everyone feel about the "female" proposing to the "male?" Also, how (if you do) do you perceive marriage as being the "next step" in a serious relationship?
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I think marriage is an interesting issue that we should all take a critical look at. Although the tone of your post is a bit aggressive, I completely agree. I feel that people understand the inherit problems with the expectations of marriage, and your statistics really help point out the loads of isssues that come with that next step. Unfortunately, it seems that most people don't really want to push the issue. They don't really want to look at the ways they are reifying the system by putting so much of their relationships in this concept of marriage. At this point in my life, I see marriage as not only one of the master's tools but as an impractical tool. To really allow myself to be as fluid and open to change as I want to be, it r makes no sense that I would make purely symmbolic dedication with a government that I don't even agree with.
ReplyDeleteMy animosity towards marriage stems from the way in which politicians equate the sanctity with it somehow to the protection of religious rights. At this point, religious rights really are christian rights, and the Christian Rights right to shove Christianity down everyone's throats. I was raised in a christian house hold and truly the most fundamental aspects of it, seemingly forgiveness and charity, are pretty hard to argue with; however, this religion, like many other religions, has been interpreted in many different ways to exclude and oppress entire groups of people--that, I cannot abide. So, much of my aggression stems from how much debate surrounds this thing called marriage. Who cares? This country is fighting illegal wars all over the world. In the mean time, people in the United States are fretting over whether openly gay men and women should be allowed to fight in the military, or whether women should be able to fight on the front lines at all. Needless to say, this tradition has been a huge distraction to "honest to God" political issues that are much more important.
ReplyDeleteYour aggression is completely understood and appreciated.
ReplyDelete