Whenever I hear “All The Singles Ladies,” aside from the extreme annoyance from having heard it a million times and the sheer repetitiveness of the song itself, I am plagued with the question I asked in class I would like to discuss more in depth on the blog. Why can’t Beyonce, the strong-willed independent woman that she is, simply take the initiative, if it is what she desires, to put on a ring on her man? If she desires equality and things of that nature, why does she conform herself to such a traditional gender role as having to be the one asked for marriage rather than being proactive and breaking the role? It simply doesn’t make sense to me that she would claim all these things and then degrade herself by implicating she is not capable of being the one to put a ring on it, instead of waiting for her man to the same thing?
Also, one of the things I find humorous and would like to discuss, is the issue of Beyonce, being a “feminist” in a more generous sense of the word, and her marriage to Jay-Z. It seems to me that any feminist in any sense of the word would not devote her life and partnership with someone as famously misogynistic as Jay-Z. Is it possible for a feminist to live and respect someone who has the beliefs that he should only “thug ‘em, fuck ‘em, love ‘em, leave ‘em, cause I don’t fucking need ‘em. Take ‘em out the hood, keep ‘em looking good, but I don’t fucking feed ‘em,” or a man that has such advice as “If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.” While I know Beyonce only claimed to be a feminist in the loose sense of word and believes in the strength and independence of women, is it possible for her work and message to be taken seriously when she marries a man such as Jay-Z who does nothing but demoralize, degrade, and objectify women and treat them as nothing but sex toys and sub-human creatures? It seems to me that by partnering herself with such a man who has a completely contradictory message to hers she loses some of the validity and points she is trying to portray about women in the music we have been studying. Is this the case? Or can we just use the old “oh well they are both just trying to entertain people and it’s part of their business” excuse, and if we delegate it to this excuse, doesn’t it take away the meaning from her work we have been studying thus far?
I think this is a really great post and brings up a lot of the questions that are so important but not given enough attention. In class when you brought up the question of why Beyonce doesn’t just put a ring on it, I started questioning myself because honestly I had never even thought of that. I began to wonder what it says about me that it didn’t ever occur to me as an option. Like you said, following what Beyonce portrays herself as, she should be able to step up and put a ring on her man. However, I think to a lot of people would consider that a radical suggestion. In today’s society it is so uncommon for a woman to propose to a man and this fits right into gender stereotypes. Within the relationship, the man has the power to put a ring on it and to determine when to take it to the next level. As far as your points concerning Beyonce’s marriage to Jay-Z and the type of guy he appears to be, the questions you raise illustrate what we talked about in class on Thursday about the way performers set their image to be. It’s quite possible that if Jay-Z rapped about different things he wouldn’t sell as much. This leads to a question of determining where to draw the line between performer and person. Are they the same or is one a persona the person adopts in order to make it big? If so, why do most people not notice the implications that might cause?
ReplyDeleteThis leads to another question: why get married at all? I understand that there are several legal incentives for tying the knot; however, in my opinion, marriage seems a bit out dated. Wasn't this institution created for the trade of women in order to reinforce societal bonds for economic growth? I don't think anyone in class needs to think very long to come upon a marriage in their life that shouldn't be or should never have been. In Mexico, there are new laws that allow you to be married for a certain period of time. After that set period is up, the couple can choose to either renew their vows or not. Wouldn't it be better if the U.S. government created a way in which people could gain the legal benefits of married couples without all of the historical baggage or the "'till death do us part thing." As of right now, many states are still trying to inhibit same-sex couples from getting married. My question is: what is it about marriage that makes it the next level? Doesn't a relationship continue to progress whether or not you sign a piece of paper? If your relationship has stalled on a level maybe you should consider breaking up not signing your life away till death. It is nice to have two parents in a family to raise a kid, but so often the father in these situations is entirely absentee--showing up for the occasional award and holidays. How is that much different than a single parent home? I'm not convinced marriage is the right choice for anyone. If two people are in love, they shouldn't need a piece of paper to justify that. Often times, that contractual agreement prolongs marriages that should just end. People make mistakes and marry others that they should not. This is not a point of shame, it just "is." Marriages set up a situation for the man--who is often the one that makes most financial decisions--to have total control. A joint banking account makes getting out of a bad marriage nearly impossible. I wouldn't say "don't put a ring on it," i'd simply say "don't sign your life away, thus destroying your potential to evolve and be happy."
ReplyDeleteMatt: I agree with you to the extent that people should be able to break their societal gender roles for important things. I also agree that the message of Single Ladies does not seem to be apparent unless it is "I'm going to go get a ring". At the same time there could be more going on here than just some guy who wouldn't propose. It could have been that they had different views on marriage or he wouldn't commit. This is purely speculative, but having the same goals to grow towards in a relationship seems pretty important, especially with important things like marriage/commitment that have huge impact on said relationship.
ReplyDeletegarta: America is still very influenced by religion, and that is where marriage still has its edge. In every single church, marriage signifies bonds and commitment 'before God'. This is a huge part of why gays are still being denied their rights. I do think it would be interesting to have a religious/non-religious marriage option of some sort as many people who do want to get married have no care as to whether it is before God. I'm not sure the marriages would look like what you're discussing in Mexico, but it would definitely be interesting.
ReplyDeleteRight, I get all that. I am simply saying that it is impractical to make marriage the goal. People get divorced all the time. This is an emotionally and financially draining process. There is still a huge amount of shame placed upon couples that get divorced. This is yet another construct that should be unpacked. Obviously, things are moving in a more positive direction (I hope/think). Still, there is much to be done. I think most people that are currently in a relationship can attest to the fact that you are required to constantly assess your current state. If you are happy in the relationship and wish for it to continue, you are probably working to become a better partner in order to make the relationship stronger. There seems to be this idea that marriage is somehow the motivating factor for all of that. Once that hurdle is passed, you are somehow home free--DISAGREE. Considering the finality of marriage, it appears that couples often become stagnate and lethargic. This is problematic for any relationship. I would argue that without the commitment of marriage this fatigue would not set as soon or at all. Without the tethers of marriage, I would predict that domestic abuse might go down as well. This doesn't mean marriage is bad, but, in my opinion, people that shouldn't be getting married are. This reality has drastic implications for those partners as well as their kids.
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