So as
to be expected, Yahoo! usually has some story that relates well with our
discussion of feminism in modern culture. The video posted below is not
entirely about the subject of marriage, but it encouraged me to raise some questions
about the nature of relationships between men and women.
I know that someone else has posted commentary on the
subject of marriage, and if I am correct, the focus was whether or not marriage
is needed to validate a relationship. My focus is more about the nature of the
relationship established within a marriage. When a couple gets married, who
primarily wants the marriage? I recognize that in order for the marriage to be
successful that both parties involved have to come to a mutual agreement about
what is expected. However, I feel that the aspiration of marriage is primarily
an aspiration of women. Do men really want
to get married? Do most imagine a successful and full life including the
marriage aspect?
The purpose in bringing this to light is that it seems that
in traditional heterosexual relationships the relationship is primarily for the
woman to have an environment of stability—physical, emotional, spiritual and
financial. The man is usually in the position where he can pick and choose.
Even in a marriage, the relationship is not safeguarded from breaches caused by
infidelity. (Granted this is true as much for women as men.)
So the question now is what is the “new marriage”? Is the new marriage standard one of polygamous, open
relationships? In a plethora of places I have noticed that while many people
have a desire to be married, the nature of that marriage is not a traditional
one. For that matter, more people are living in civil union as opposed to getting married. Women will marry a man fully aware that their relationship in the past has
been subject to infidelity and that the future of the relationship is just as susceptible
and vice versa. This will result in a relationship that is closed on her part,
but open on his, for example. Is the modern standard of marriage now closed on
one end and open on the other? Or does it still hold true that modern marriage
is the same as the conventional standard of marriage—monogamous? I realize that
the roles that women take on in relationships and everyday life have shifted
dramatically within the last twenty-five to fifty years, and I, therefore, find
it natural to start to question the nature of relationships as a result of
these dramatic changes. Women of modernity are breaking down barriers in every
aspect of life and I don’t think the aspect of relationships is excluded. So
what are your opinions on this? Is there a new standard of marriage? Have there
been major changes to what both men and women expect out of a relationship? Are
women still playing the traditional relationship roles despite they aren’t
playing conventional roles in society?
From what I have understood, women, more than ever, are choosing to raise children on their own. This statistic, along with the increase in people who choose to remain unmarried, reflects some interesting shifts in what is seen as necessary to be content. The word "New Monogamy" is a misnomer. A relationship is or isn't monogamous. New Marriage may be more apropos; however, I think the concept of marriage is really what should be critiqued thoroughly. There is just so much history and baggage to connected with it.
ReplyDeleteThis is coming an extremely long time after this comment was posted but I'd have to disagree with the comment that the phrase "New Monogamy" is a misnomer. I suppose I could've done a better job fleshing this out, but what the phrase is referring to is the idea that marriage may or may not be just a relationship between two people. (See the last paragraph.) I have come across a lot of instances where the marriage is closed on one end and the spouse is allowed to go out and still "mingle" with other people. I guess my curiosity stems from not really knowing how that is a healthy relationship and how that promotes a strong bond, but nevertheless it seems to be coming from the fact that many of the ideas of what a marriage, let alone a relationship, is supposed to be.
DeleteTraditionally, the idea of marriage carries the implication that it is something women want and something me eventually give into. When we discussed earlier the rarity of a woman proposing to a man, it seemed that in some ways given the history of marriage it made sense because the women were often viewed as patiently waiting for a man to be ready to make that commitment. Now, with more and more women focusing on careers and not the standard “homemaker” roles, the image of marriage is also shifting. Expectations are stereotyped and it is common for men and women to both indulge in their expected characters. There might also be a sense in needing to maintain a balance between the changes we are witnessing and what many were raised seeing. It appears that the approach to marriage today is very different then it used to be.
ReplyDeleteMarriage originally, as we read, was the gift of a woman and relied on the idea of kinship. Then marriage was a financial union because women could not support themselves.
ReplyDeleteThese days, marriage has to be more focused on romance because the kinship and economics of the past are no longer relevant. I think that marriage and the idea of what it means is also rapidly changing as fewer and fewer people are not strongly involved in religious organizations. As the idea of marriage changes, so does the relationship of the people within it and the necessity of the actual contract. I'm curious to see where this goes.
I agree with Andrea. Previously, marriage was a money-based system and used to create certain circles in society, and was always romanticized. Today, however, marriage has focused less on financial unity (increasing number of pre-nups and other steps) and more about the union between the two parties involved for their own emotional happiness. Also, many people more people are in "open marriages" which makes me believe the old belief of a single, monogamous, financially based marriage is something that is still desired by a large group of people, but no longer seen as the only type of marriage that exists.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that the idea of marraige is now fully divorced from economics. It's still very true that women, on average, make much less than men. There are still plenty of women seeking financial stability in marraige, just like there are plenty of men seeking marraiges to women for the same thing. I also think that women are still very much socialized to want marraige. It seems to be socially targeted as something for women. Women spend thousands on wedding dresses, men just rent tuxes. The wedding is understood as something the woman plans. Men buy rings for women. I think it's mainly a status symbol. Marraiges are what women are supposed to expect. It reminds me of the whole 'put a ring on it' thing.
ReplyDeleteI would agree with the argument that women are sociallized to want to get married. I think marriage is still very much rooted in the money-based system (for some more than others). I do agree that the institution of marriage is changing, but its original purpose is still very much apparent. Even absent from the religious context, marriage still maintians the traditonal system. Men still give women to other men, money still plays a role (even if only in the form of a wedding ring). And though marriage may have been understood as monogamous, I think we would be hard pressed to find a time period in which this standard was upheld. Women are expected to be monogamous. Men are expected to be men.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Keyana, I still don't think that the idea of marriage is completely void of economics. It is true that women make less money then men in several situations (the glass ceiling). However, I don't think that this is the sole base of marriage (I don't think it plays that big of a role to begin with anymore). I think that both men and women are searching for marriages. I don't think men are avoiding marriages or not wanting to get married. As for the "new marriage" idea, I think the "new marriage" is actually not a marriage at all but a partnership, which seems to be happening a lot more among people who simply find no need for marriage. (Not that these marriages are necessarily open, but the couple are just not legally married).
ReplyDelete